Wednesday, April 28, 2010

ANSWER - IS this A Man's World?

Few days before I asked you all a question, “Is this a Man’s world?”

The question comes to me many times.

Basanti, my maid, married a man of her choice, but soon her husband left her for another woman, cheat fully acquiring her property and transferring it to the other lady. Basanti was left alone; she was neither accepted by her family nor by her in-laws. And the real man behind this all, was having fun, with the new woman and the property. Society dint wish to raise any questions against him. But definitely looked at our maid with dubious, and hateful eyes……………This is my first question……Y is a woman treated like this, when her husband leaves her?

There are three girls living in my neighborhood. One of them got married few months before. All the sisters have pleasing personalities, having knowledge in every household activity, in stitching, knitting, etc (all those basic girly things. which are commonly asked at the time of marriage). I have invited them many times at my home, but they never turn up. They say they are afraid of their brother. He doesn’t like his sisters to step out of home. I m not blaming the brother, but I question the mentality. Whether he is afraid of the outside world? Or he just wants to make a point that he, as a man should be always asked before any move of his family members.

I am not planning a second baby right now, but if by chance it happens I wish to have a girl…don’t assume I have a boy so I am saying this…but yes by my all will, I would like to have a girl…… There are many friends of mine who are doing various therapies to have a male child…. They follow Chinese calendar, follow diet chart… follow some kinda Guruji who give them the various kind of dates on which they should plan…and what not….The only purpose is to have a boy. All my friends come from educated, well to do family but crave for a male member still remains in the society. The elder’s pressure is the most common factor. The reason being just one….. ‘Vansh ka naam’ …who will continue their name after their death?? Is it a good reason?…I doubt…but I know the result of this…..Female infanticide!!! Shameful……….

Society-people-are no less than a Ravan for girls these days. If a girl comes late in the home they all worry; they say it’s not good for a girl to stay out at odd times. If we see the other side of the coin, the society must understand that rather than restricting a girl they should create such environment and such space that a girl should roam freely. A boy must be imparted education on this. If a woman is supposed to take care of home, then a man should be held responsible outside home. A girl should feel safe when she moves out. But the opposite happens, people restrict her and again the vicious circle of unsafe world exists. Isn’t it??

Few days before I saw an Ad on TV where a girl comes for an interview in an office, and the man sitting, gets up and walks out of the office….the punch line says- ‘life ka har signal pakdo’…..What does this mean? Can’t a girl get the job on her strengths?….Y should we always believe that she is only credited on her looks…..? ? Is it not underestimating her capabilities? Or else compelling her to go beyond the ethics? Y?

Even if we make our heart believe that it’s a world of equality….the truth remains the same……. And truth is bitter…………….

PS - Guys – But it will not be the same forever………………..


  1. Thought provoking questions.

    I will surely answer all of them :)

  2. @ GA - waiting for it...thnx

  3. wow.. too good post Rohini.. You have asked all the questions which every women has got..

  4. @ Kavya - thnx dear....the questions are still unanswered

  5. Yes, in that sense, it is a man's world. But, a lot of women have very strong positions in it.

  6. ********ये लेख नारी विरोधी नही है

    Answer 1:

    देखिए rohini ji , लगभग आधी आबादी महिलायों से बनी है फिर भी बसंती परेशान क्यों है ?

    Answer 2:
    हो सकता है कि उन पडोसी भाई ने बसंती के हाल से प्रेरणा लेते हुये ये बंदिशें लगाई हो, बेटी भी पिता से "दादी माँ के टोकने की शिकायत" करते देखी जा सकती है .

    Answer 3:
    मैं सिर्फ़ इस बात से सहमत हूं कि नारी भी "वंश का नाम" आगे बढ़ाती लक्ष्मी बाई से लेकर इंदिरा गाँधी तक सभी प्रमाण मिलते हैँ .पर "वंश का नाम" नारा लगाने वाले क्या सिर्फ़ पुरुष ही होते हैं ??

    Answer 4:
    आपने रावण तो देखे है पर शूर्पनखा के बारे में भी जानकारी करें

    Answer 5:
    मैने अभी तक विज्ञापन नही देखा है इसलिए कोई टिप्पणी नही कर सकता

    rohini ji, मैं तो बाबा रामदेव के सामने "आप की अदालत" में पेश उन दो आधुनिक भारत कि महिलायों को भी ( दूर से) प्रणाम करता हूँ

    एक कहानी मेरी ओर से (हर मुहल्ले की)

    एक लडके कि शादी हुयी थी. पत्नी हर रोज अपनी माँ के हालचाल पूछ अपने आप को आदर्श पुत्री सिद्ध करती (यह कदम उठाने के पीछे उसकी अनजान नयी दुनिया मै होने वाली घबराहट थी). सास से बिल्कुल नही बनती थी. रोज झगड़ों तंग आकर लड़के ने अलग घर ले लिया . और साबित किया कि बेटे माता-पिता का बेहतर ख्याल नही करते जबकि उसके कदम उठाने पीछे उसकी (लड़के की) पत्नी और सासू माँ खुशी होगी . मेरी नजरों में लड़के ने उन्ही संस्कारों का पालन किया जिनका लड़की ने नही .

    महिला उत्पीड़न मामलों में महिला समाज भी उतना ही अधिक (बल्कि ज्यादा) भागीदार होता है .

    जैसे बच्चों के भटकने पर सिर्फ़ माँ को दोष देना गलत है उसी तरह नारी उत्पीड़न में सिर्फ़ पुरुष समाज को दोष देना गलत है. रावण को सीता अपहरण हेतु उकसाने में बहन शूर्पनखा का उतना ही अधिक योगदान था. जितना कि रावण कि पत्नी, और एक राक्षसी का सीता को धीरज बंधाने में.

  7. That was really commendable.
    Our society being a patriarch one, puts a lot of limitations on the girls and ladies. Its the mindset that is based on certain observations and facts which have been continuously changing now. I don't knw where do u live but I sense the change here at my place. Change is constant. Ours is a country from which such practices could never be abolished. Parts living in small areas will always have a different mindset than the metro or city dwellers. Although those stubborn ppl won't ever change.
    All that Vansh ka naam thing is crap. What about hose parents who just have 2-3 daughters? Its all in the Heart and Heart never dies..:)



    p.s. Lovely really!!

  8. Hi! Rohini,

    U have written a relevant post really well and have shot some qstns that cannot be denied outright....but apart from certain cases, i dont think it can be generalised in our nation, women in our nation defenitely have carved a space for themseves and men do give respect to them.......some cases that differ is not because of the gender but because of their mind...their character....their upbringing...
    Maybe as i am coming from the only state in kerala that has more number of females than males compared to national ratio, my thoughts would have had that influence too :)

  9. yea...true ...if the human civilization is evolving comntinously we men, might lose our edge for sure...

    But hey a questions... you said guys must be given education..tiotally wrong- its the society as a whole which has to be educated... the issue is ot with male alone... I would say female population has to be blamed...

    Down here on the southern side, the dowry is main issue people would not opt for a girl!!

  10. Ahhh after a light post, this is really serious one...

    Let me try to answer:

    Answer 1: I dont have a straight forward answer for the Pschy of society but this lady can go to women empowerment institute and fight for the right.

    Answer 2: I think he is on the caring side, but an extremist, which I dont subscribe to. The guy is at fault.

    Answer3: Oh I am completely, completely against such silly and conservative outlook! Girls are as good and as better as guys! No doubt about this!

    Answer4: Yeah, this is a serious problem and I am not aware how to change the society about this. Any action taken today, might give some results in next 10 years. It takes lot of time if we are talking about changing the society!

    Answer5: Hey dont mis interpret the ad. Take it on a lighter side... it was meant for fun, I guess!

    This isnt just about Man's world! Both are equal and stand together in everywalk of life!

  11. interesting and very thoughtful question,

  12. Hmmmm….thought provoking post….very nicely written:
    Answer 1: well we can only blame the society norms over here….and bad luck for basanti.
    Answer 2: There should not be any mid way solution in whatever we choose to be or do. He obviously feels insecure and doesn’t have too much faith in his sisters. Again I think his extremist mentality must have been developed coz of age old society norms. Can you describe their pleasing personalities little bit more (lol)….
    Answer 3: True and sad status….but I think its changing now a days especially in urban towns….waise yeh vansh ka naam aage badane se logon ko kya milta hai??????
    Wish you all the best 4 G.C!!
    Answer 4: Being a boy I take the responsibility and c to it all my frndz nd frndz of frndz will take it..some bad elements in society create this problem coz of which every1 has to suffer. It will be great to c mor nd mor grlz outsd during night……
    Answer 5: lol..what an example…capabilities should always be the first priority …but no girl wants to be jassi nowadays ..its d choice girlz has to make…boys doesn’t have any interference in it…moreover I being from media industry have seen many a times that looks does matter especially if you are in marketing department.

  13. i had seen that ad n just laughed it off...

    i don't say u are wrong...but the 'change in mentality' thing u are talking of is a near-impossible aim 4 the simple reason that not all the guys in the country read this blog ;)

  14. Allow me to tell you a story, and you try answering the question yourself.

    When I was doing my engineering, we had a batchmate called Sarita (name changed) who would continuously keep flunking her exams. With every passing time, we realized that she simply wasn't cut out to be an engineer. While we sympathized with her, we had once asked her why wasn't she quitting engineering and did something she thought she could master.

    This was her reply -
    "Normal B.A. graduates do not get rich guys, from wel-to-do families. If I somehow manage this engineering degree (my college was a pretty reputed one), then I can easily get a IIM guy, or some NRI, and then my life would be all set. I would never again have to worry about anything!"

    Now, she's a woman herself, with a mentality that I just gave you a glimpse of. And alas! It's still the men who get to take the 'blunt'.

  15. Ah ha Well a good post.. and yeah in India i must say its a man's world for sure..

    But otherwise I think its same Women do the same as men do.. recently I got a .. well A woman who married thrice , for money killing her old husbands or attempted..

    SO if we find stories we can find both sides.. ENd of the day in todays day and age there should be no difference between a Boy and a Girl.. My dad always loved my sister more then me..

    and regarding therapies for a male or female child.. DO you think it works .. WE are living in 21st century where we still think that way .. I am sure BIOLOGY tells us its all about the X or the Y chromosomes..

    Another thing i would add is that I hope you notices Like here in UK I say a INDIAN is ANother INDIANS worst enemy.. same way A WOMAN is the Worst enemy of another WOMAN..

    a good post.. loved reading it :)

  16. there are lots of instances where woman have made their way up the ladder in many positions..
    I think the whole concept is just how we see things.
    but yeah its true that its a bit more than struggle if it comes to woman.

  17. Rohini,
    I feel sorry for your maid, Basanti. Has she taken any steps for recourse? Now coming to your questions. It is not so. But you have to keep in mind that God in own wisdom has made women susceptible to harm more than men. Think it over and you will realize it. Even if she is given equal rights and opportunities to excel in whatever field she is in, she is still prone to situations beyond her control. Even if we raise the awareness level in public for respecting women, there will still be some who will not abide with it and unfortunately it is women who will suffer the consequences. So for their own safety they need to take precautionary measures and their near ones too see to it. I do not think there is any country which can boast of total safe environments for women. So in nutshell they need to avoid taking unwanted risks exposing themselves to undue harm.
    Take care

  18. Well said and so true!! At the end of the day our society is predominantly male dominated....all the hulla baloo abt the changing mentality is jus a fraction of our society. Sad but true!

  19. @ Rachna - u r rite...i m nt denying that...but i also kn how much struggle they all must have done...its nt an easy path....

    @ GA - dnt think i m anti men or smthing like dat...i have just given instances thru which i felt that a sectionin our society doesnt accept the upliftment or benefit of the women here

  20. @ SM - thnx for the comment

    @ BS - thnx for the comment and giving solutions to the prob....

    @ BE - thnx for the comment ....but i think all the male followers have already read it...thnx..i just wanted to share my thoughts on offence to male gender here.....

  21. @ Shayon - first of all nice to see u here agn..thnx,.....and every thing has got exceptions...i nt only blame men but also the society where these kind of mindset are made are fwded to the next generation....
    PS - hope ur next visit here agn...:-)

    @ Bikram - i take the last sentence...thnx for liking the post...being a man urself..hihi...hey they can be enemy but nt alws...

    @ Sorcerer - thnx for accepting the fact....

    @ Jack Sir - u r absolutely correct...i totally agree with ur avoiding risk point...but sir wat if a girl is raped by her own family member....wat if the girl is not allowed to get a proper education...i agree with ur one answer..but y the girl is restricted to get the rights which she can get..then also one says men and women are equal...such hypocrites.....!!!

    @ Nipun - read and commented....:-)and hey thnx for liking the post....i kn the stubborn people will never change...but the fight should continue...hmm i mean the healthy fight...


  22. @ Ria - welcome here..and thnx for liking the post....hope ur visits agn...thnx...

    @ RD - i love keral....i mean 100% literacy..i just love u all...i feel proud to kn this ...u kn...anyways coming to topic...i love the equality too there...hihihiii..

    @ Jon - Dowry..........yes i kn...evil place to live....but still i preach BE HAPPY....

    @ Karan - thnx for answering my questions...i m sure these r nt only mine but the rest of the girls would agree to it too...i have decided - never let my kid feel that he superior to girls...hihihi...joking but i kn i will do that.....and thnx for the comment...

    @ All - thnk u all for such comments....sry guys for such topic...but to remind u all i m nt anti men ..plz dnt think this way..i was just letting out my feelings ...that wat a women thinks....nthing else....atlast we too need men in every sphere of life...thats a natural bonding ..rite...

  23. मैं माफी चाहता हूँ rohini Ji , लगता है कि मेरा कमेंट मेरे विचार व्यक्त कर पाने में असमर्थ था

    इस लेख के पक्ष में कोई भी व्यक्ति प्रभावी ढंग से बड़े बड़े कमेंट लिख सकता है (मैं भी )लेकिन मुझे लगता है हमे हर बात को हर उम्र के लिहाज से देखना होगा . तभी उस विषय का सही पक्ष समझ आएगा.

  24. @ Ubaid - Thnx for the comment:-)

    @ GA - hey no maafi plz.....aapne wahi udaharan rakhe jo ekdam sach hai/....aapke tathya ekdam uchit hai...par meine jo paksh rakha woh dusra tha....aur aapne dusra ki thik hai...shayad aap bhi mere vichar se sehmat honge aur saath hi aapne apni drusthi kon bhi bataye..isliye dhanyawad....:-)

  25. Firstly, I am sorry that I haven't been visiting frequently... I was actually away from blogosphere for quite some time... wrote that post after 2 weeks. Secondly, as for this post - I read it from my mobile as my laptop had gone for a toss... but I had to find a way to comment, as this was probably one of the best posts I have EVER read... am saying that honestly. Having said that, the society is made up people like u and me, which makes it a reflection of ourselves. Neither are your views wrong and neither are that guy's views, who doesnt allow his sisters out of the house - we all have our reasons to do what we do(please dont take this as if I am going against what u have said) also if we have to change someone, we have to first understand the way they think. Its not gonna happen by just delivering a verdict against them - something most of us do. Anyways as I said, fabulous article... very moving and eye opeing... keep them coming and I promise to be more regular from now on. :)


  26. You have raised pertinent questions, but I believe that things are fast changing even in our villages. I hope, the change gathers further momentum.

  27. Well absolutely thought provoking topic but little biased [ in my opinion]. There are so many things I can write and gives examples for either side but it will go on and on. Opinions should not be formed on topics based on subjective observation, the topics which are general in nature.

    Society is changing if you compare the times of 1800's 1900.s and 2000...In my opinion we can and we will change the mentality with one powerful Tool...That is education!!

    P.S. I don't think this topic is anti male and I understand your feelings completely

  28. @ TC- i Welcome u here again..:-) thnx for liking the post...and i kn just raising the issue will not lesson the prob...but raising a prob is the first step,,,,rite///

    @ Onkar Sir - thnx for associating with the thought...

    @ Abhay - thnx for understnding my feelings...i kn its nt only mine but every girl/women....and PS i m nt being biased...i nblame bth in this...The society in whole....nt the only one here...